I'm drive I can fine osifer
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I am naked and annoyed.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
