my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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