people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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