I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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