I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You have to summon your inner elephant
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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