So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
