I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
