and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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