I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We need to get me chipped asap
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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