I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
