dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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