wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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