You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
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I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
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Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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