I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
