I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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