They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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