let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
