remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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