Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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