You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
