He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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