im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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