So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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