p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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