He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
