she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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