why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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