I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
