glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
