you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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