your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
