this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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