Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
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My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
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sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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