Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
