anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
