Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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