Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
