I want to stick my p in your. b.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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