im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
