i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
