You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
