Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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