she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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