I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
