and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
