Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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