After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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