Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
