Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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