I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When are your genitals available?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
