i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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