found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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