I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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