I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize