The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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