I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
