you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I could fuck to npr.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
