I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
