I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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