No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
