i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
