you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
