im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
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I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
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You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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