I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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