the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
